The Week So Far:

I have just come out of the bath – this is a place where I always end up soaking wet – vey undignified. Mom says that I now smell lovely (I don’t think I do), whereas before she said I was smelly (really!). I’m too really sure about how to train the humans regarding baths as they seem to have far too many and this destroys their natural odour. I also really hate it when they destroy my natural odour – I think it’s lovely.

On Monday I went a lovely walk with mom in the afternoon (she walked lovely on the lead – my training is working!), but it was spoilt when we got to “the grandparents” house and I had to see their funny creature called Zeek. I did find out an important piece of information: Zeek is something called a cat (note to self: need to find out if Meg is). Zeek came right up to me - staring, it was very scary and I tried to look elsewhere in the room and pretend he wasn’t there. In the end, however, I was too terrified and ran behind the chair to hide. Eventually we left “the grandparents” and I was so relieved that we got home in one piece I had a wee on the front doorstep.

Tuesday lunchtime mom was a bit sad and her friend Sue came round to cheer her up. I could tell straight away that she had had no training, so proceeded to train her by barking instructions. Well, you will never guess what happened she didn’t listen – can you believe it! And to top it off mom told me to be quiet, which means that mom isn’t as well trained as I thought – have to put in a bit more effort with her training I think. Later the same day Gary visited me (he is well trained) and I couldn’t wait to sit on his lap. It is so soft and comfortable and he gave me so much fuss. It was definitely what I needed after such an awful lunchtime with the two females.

Last night I sort of upset mom – not intentionally of course. I was playing chase with her, whereby she runs off and I chase after her. When I catch her (by putting my paws on her legs) she changes direction and runs off again. Unfortunately (about the sixteenth chase) I jumped up and bit her bum! – It wasn’t this that upset her, but the fact that by doing this I ripped her skirt and all of her bum was showing. Whoops!!! Luckily I didn’t get told off as she knew it was an accident, but her skirt had to go in the bin. I need to ensure next time mom goes shopping that she buys more robust clothing.

Also late last night I ventured into Rene’s garden (Rene likes seeing me, so I am allowed around there) and found some funny brown stuff around her roses, it smelled a bit like pooh, but it was far too big to be pooh (I know I looked at my own and this was at least twice the size). Now, because I fancied trying a new scent I rolled in this funny brown stuff and the fragrance was wonderful. However, once again those humans that I live with didn’t agree (must teach them to perfect their sense of smell), but because it was very late they let me bask in the aroma – that is until today. Now, I must go as Jessie is desperately waiting to play Frisbee with me outside (well trained see) and I shall continue to keep you up dated on my human training.

P.S. That Meg creature has not been about much the last few days with the nice weather, so I haven’t managed to pull her into line yet and exert my authority over her – but I will do!

Paddling Pools

I would just like to report that paddling pools are a vile creation. After trying to round Jessie and Jim up I had the unfortunate experience of bouncing into the paddling pool that they are playing in. I am now wet once again and still not smelling great! The water was cold and not enjoyable at all. I have had to get Jessie to wrap a towel around me in order for me to warm up. A silly invention by silly humans!

Note to all other poodles: Do not jump in a paddling pool it plays havoc with your fur.

Walking and Resting

Yesterday I took my family a lovely walk around Fradley marina and nature reserve, I thought they deserved a nice day out after all of the training I have been subjecting them to over the past weeks. Jessie was on the end of the lead to begin with, as I wanted to ensure where she was at all times – she has a tendency to wander! We started the walk at the nature reserve and to be quite frank Jessie really wasn’t very well behaved on the end of the lead, she allowed me to fall into the water, whilst looking at the ducks and I ended up soaking wet and very smelly!

Jim was pretty much uncontrollable also. He spent a large portion of the outing appearing from behind trees with pretend guns and very little warning, he called this unruly behaviour playing. I am pretty sure that if were I to start appearing from behind different trees brandishing a gun that I would scare everyone senseless. So I am not too sure why Jim was allowed to get away with this, especially as he is apparently older than me (It has always been noted that I am mature for my age).

Once out of the nature reserve things began to calm down a bit. We went a lovely walk in some woods – this was a little strange as the footpath led straight through the middle of somebody’s garden (there was no sign of a dog in this garden – shame!). During this walk I encountered a stile, why it is called a stile I do not know (it just looked like a bit of wood sticking out of a fence to me), at this point I had an awful shock as I was picked up clean off my feet and carried over – no respect for poodles! We continued on the walk and I was really enjoying myself until I came across an area (called a pub) with lots of disruptive humans sitting outside, it was such a frightening experience – I don’t know who the dogs were who let these humans out without their masters, but they need telling.

Luckily we didn’t stay at the pub, we crossed the canal and found a lovely quiet café where I treated the humans to a drink and ice cream. I had my first ever drink out of a human bottle, this wasn’t as bad as I expected as it squirts lovely refreshing water straight into your mouth – none of that having to lap it up. There was also a shop by the café and Jim brought me a lovely “duck spotter” badge and considering I had spotted lots of ducks (some close up when I fell in the water), it seemed appropriate. We then strolled back along the towpath and our day out came to a wonderfully calm end.

Today I have spent most of my time in our garden, mom and dad have put a fence up and after testing it rigorously I have come to the conclusion that I shall no longer be able to run happily in the neighbours garden. Still there are plenty of things in my own garden to keep me occupied. Jessie and Jim are at present in something called a paddling pool. It appears to be full of cold water which they play in, I can’t really see the enjoyment in it myself! Also earlier on dad got that thing out that he calls a lawnmower I nearly went horse having to bark at it and put it in its place, silly thing. Mom has been moving plants from one pot to another, which seems very pointless to me, but she is pleased with the results. All in all it is a peaceful day, especially since Meg disappeared next door (hope she stays there – she is still not doing what she is told).

A little snippet about me:

I acquired my new family a few days before Christmas 2008 – that was a shock let me tell you, I don’t actually recall asking Santa for new humans to look after. On the bright side they may be a little weird and have lots of disgusting human traits, but I have come to love each one of them in a special sort of way.

There is one exception, however, and they call her MEG!!! Now she is a funny creature, not a human but not a dog either. Let me describe her to you – she has four legs like me and is roughly the same height as me (I am the slightly taller one by about half an inch!); her tail is longer than mine and swishes around like an elephants trunk when she is angry; she has small pointy ears (yuck! I much prefer my long floppy ears as they are a good deal more attractive if I do say so myself); Meg has long, long whiskers (not neatly trimmed like mine!, such a scruffy animal) and to top it off she makes an awful meowing sound.

I have on several occasions tried to be friends with this creature they call Meg, but she is basically a bully. I can think of no kinder way to put it! If I try to sniff her butt, which as we all know is a polite way to greet others; she gets all defensive and smacks my ears. In addition to this when I first moved in to my new abode I was given a lovely bed in which to sleep. Obviously it was one that the master of the house would need in order to get his well deserved rest after having to organise this household day after day; to my disgust this “Meg” claimed the bed for herself – very little manners or respect for those above her. All is well however, because I decided to claim the large double bed for myself – after all a dog does need his rest you know. As you can see I really have my work cut out with this Meg, the others are learning quickly who is the master (me of course!).

The rest of this unruly house hold is made up of four humans. Two who are female and two who are male. I call the eldest female mom it seems appropriate as she has already had two puppies of he own. The younger female is something that they call “a teenager”, I’m not really sure what this means so I need to find out – I shall probably have to do some research – I call her Jessie. The eldest male is called dad as he is the father of the two pups, whilst the youngest male is called Jim and what a handful he is!

Jim is by far the noisiest member of the family. He is always jumping out of strange places and scares the living daylights out of me on a regular basis. Noise, Noise, Noise - all you hear all day, every day. Mom quite often refers to these noises as “sound effects” (note to myself: research sound effects). I really must train him to only make noise when someone knocks on the door (especially the postman) or when told to. I also need to train him to stop jumping out of random places and to hunt for things properly.

So now you know what a tough job I have ahead of me with the chaotic family that Santa kindly gave me. I will need all of my strength and wits for this task and hopefully by next Christmas they should all be behaving themselves nicely. I intend to note all of the coming months achievements and failures on this blog to help all other dogs out there (a bit like a guide book to humans), so I leave you for now in the hope that you dogs out there know that you are not alone!

Research:

After quickly researching what “teenager” and “sound effects” are here are my findings for all of my fellow dogs out there:

Teenager: A juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity. (I have to say I am not entirely sure what any of that means, mom just says it’s when pups get moody and start to “know everything” – I must have been a teenager for years as I know loads of things).

Sound effect: a sound other than speech or music made artificially. (Well obviously that sounds about right considering what I have heard coming from Jim's mouth, although, I have also heard strange noises coming from other parts of these humans bodies – I wonder if those are sound effects too!)